“Jesus wept." John 11:35 NLT
11 months and 14 days ago, my auntie passed away.
Grief makes you count the days.
So the days I’ve counted and every single one of those days I sit in disbelief.
Death is one of those things where I feel like if I refuse to accept it, then maybe the lesser the impact. But that narrative continues to prove false especially as my family gathered to celebrate her birthday on September 7th.
The thing about celebrating birthdays is you expect the birthday person to be present to receive the love and well wishes. This birthday was different because she wasn’t there. So we visited her gravesite and we spoke words as the truth set in that my auntie is no longer here with us.
Her death caught us completely off guard. Sickness didn’t plague her as a sign to us and as far as we knew and could tell, death was not in her immediate future. But as God will allow, my sweet auntie transitioned out of this world as we were living our day, business as usual.
Death provokes grief. And grief is like a hose attached to a broken emotional spigot where we can’t control what emotion might seep out at any given time. This has been my experience.
Grief also breeds questions. I asked a lot of them like: “how?!" and “why??” and “what if this or that?!”
And I’m so glad to serve a God who is not put off by my questions. I thank God to know that He is not emotionless but instead, He draws near to His children who are brokenhearted and rescues those of us crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)
There is a beautiful story told in the book of John, chapter 11. Lazarus, a good friend of Jesus, became gravely ill. Lazarus’s sisters sent word to Jesus to come because they believed that Jesus could save their brother. But Jesus delayed coming and Lazarus died.
By the time Jesus decided to go to where they were, Lazarus had been dead for four days. I am sure the sisters counted the days. So by the time Jesus arrived, they were obviously distraught and filled with grief (and some anger too because why didn’t Jesus come right away?!). SN: the answer to this can be found in John 11: 4.
Jesus knew before Lazarus died that He would raise him from the dead. The sisters didn’t. But Jesus knew. I repeated this because the scripture describes several different emotions that Jesus expressed even though He knew what His plans were.
Verse 33 says when Jesus saw the distress around him, deep anger welled up in Him and He was deeply troubled. >> Jesus cared >> Verse 35 says that He wept. Jesus saw and felt the sorrow and He cried. God cried. Even when He knew that He would raise Lazarus from death. He still cried.
He met them in their moment of sadness and grief and He cried. Jesus felt sadness and grief and He cried. He wasn’t worried about how vulnerable it made the God of creation look. Jesus loves so deeply that He would take a moment to share an emotion with His friends.
There’s so much more I want to say to expand on this but this devotional might be long enough.😆
But before closing, I would like to point you to this verse in John 16:22, where Jesus is talking to His disciples about His own death and resurrection. He tells them that they will have sorrow now, but will see Him again and when they do, they will rejoice and no one will be able to rob them of that joy.
That is excellent news for us, who long to see our loved ones we have lost. If they and we die having had faith in Jesus, there will come a day where we will see them again. A day where death will be no more. I look forward to that day so that I can see and hug my auntie again, in the presence of our Lord.